


The ties that bind

by skylandmountain



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 16:26:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12214509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylandmountain/pseuds/skylandmountain
Summary: Set in season 10 when filming Home Again and one of Gillian's boys is sick back in London.Based on the bts bits on the blu-ray





	The ties that bind

**Author's Note:**

> Another dose of unpunctuated inconsequential wittering from a pure fantasist.

David eyes her suspiciously, the dark circles under her eyes indicating what he already suspects.  
"Did you sleep at all?" he says handing her a mug of coffee.  
Gillian shakes her head "no" she says staring at the brown liquid in front of her.  
He stands behind her and massages her shoulders gently. " have you heard from Mark again?"  
He'd rung last night to tell her that Felix was in hospital with an unknown virus that had knocked him for six. He didn't know much more at that stage but he'd told her that Felix had asked for her, he wanted his mum.  
She shakes her head again "not yet"  
At that moment they're both called onto set.  
"Are you going to be ok?" David asks gently.  
"What choice do I have?" she says resentment building in her voice "i'm here while my sick child is thousands of miles away so I have to do this, i have to work"

If only working was that easy. Gillian looked at her script and the words just blurred together.  
She knew what she should be doing. Her on screen mum had just passed away after using her last breath to talk about William, the son Scully gave up. Scully should be wracked with grief and everyone was watching, waiting for her, for Gillian Anderson who can ace any ro!e to pull some emotional fucking masterclass out of the bag. Well today it wasn't happening.  
David had his arms around her comforting her character but he knew she was far away from where she needed to be to play this. He could feel her heart thumping, she was trembling against him. He held her a little tighter than he needed to trying to comfort her while she tried to find Scullys words but it was like she'd closed down there was no emotion and no tears, she just couldn't bring herself to cry.  
David was worried about her, this wasn't like her. He knew she was worried about Felix but this ran deeper than that. He was just about to pull away from her, ask them to stop rolling and ask Glen to give her a break to re focus when Glen called it himself.  
He knew Gillian could do this and if she tapped into her distress over her own child he would have his footage but he also adored her and he could see she was struggling and he would never manipulate her emotions to get a shot. Instead he asked her what she needed, what would help her get to a point where she could play the scene.  
She asked for Sheila her on screen mum, she'd always been close to her and she needed to feel that bond to feel Scullys loss. Sheila was more than happy to help, she loved Gillian she'd watched her grow into the extraordinary actress she is today. She took Gillians hands in hers  
" it will be ok sweetheart, it will all be ok" she said in the softest tone Gillian had ever heard and then the tears came, Scullys tears came for her mum and for William.

The phonecall she wanted came at the end of a long and hard day. Felix was ok, he'd responded well to treatment and would be going home the next day. She'd briefly spoken to him told him she loved him and would be home at the weekend for cuddles. The relief she felt as she ended the call was overwhelming. She felt like she'd been holding her breath all day and finally she could breathe again, yet her heart was still gripped by a fear she couldn't shake.

Gillian was exhausted, she'd not eaten or slept for nearly 24 hours. David insisted she stayed at his place. Sometimes she likes her space and goes to her rented house sometimes she's with him.  
Tonight though she's not anywhere, she was here he knows that because he's cooked for her, she's soaked in a bubble bath he ran for her and now she's curled up on the couch lying across his lap. She's tracing circles on his thigh with her delicate fingers and he's stroking her hair but his Gillian was locked somewhere else inside her own head. He needs to talk to her find out what anguish she's tormenting herself with or he knows despite her exhaustion she won't sleep again tonight. 

"So what happened today?" he says gently, still stroking her hair. He feels her body stiffen, she pulls away from him. "David i can't" she says quietly. " you can sweetheart, you need to"  
Gillian sits up pulling her knees up to her chest she covers her face with her hands, her blonde curls hang loosely around her shoulders.  
David tucks her hair behind her ear " what is it honey, talk to me" he pleads.  
" i was afraid" she whispers through her fingers. David puts his arm around her "afraid of what baby?"  
"afraid that if I started to cry i wouldn't be able to stop, afraid of the guilt that i'm not good enough, that i'm not there for my children when they need me and that's all they will remember, the times i let them down. The times I tried to be everything, a mother and an actress and ended up being useless to everyone"  
She's sobbing uncontrollably now, Davids heart breaks for her as everything tumbles out.  
He remembers how he treated her all those years ago when Piper was sick, he'd yelled at her because she'd been distracted and forgotten her lines. He was an arsehole back then, is that why she couldn't talk to him today, does she still think about that.  
He slowly takes her hands away from her face and kneels down in front of her cupping her face in his hands " Gillian please forgive me if I have ever made you feel that you weren't good enough"  
Gillian looks at him and traces his jawline with her fingers " david I forgave you everything a long time ago, it's myself I can't forgive" her words come in broken sobs, dragging her back into darkness.  
David silently wipes away her tears but he doesn't stop her crying, she needs to let this out she needs to cry. When he can see that her distress is subsiding he sits down next to her and pulls her gently onto his lap, brushing the hair from her face he starts to speak.  
" you are everything that your children need, you are the mother who flies home at weekends when she's exhausted to spend two days with her children. You are the mother who flies home for a day to see your child perform in a play, you are the mother who spent a ten hour flight looking at a British Airways toilet because she got sick the day she was flying home for her childs birthday and refused to delay her flight because she thought not of herself but her child.  
That is what your children will remember, the times their mom did everything she could to be with them so don't you ever feel guilty or feel you're not enough because you are their everything wherever you are"  
He feels her collapse into his chest, her arms around his neck, he rocks her in his arms, time seems to stand still until she speaks " i love you" she says her lips meeting his, he can taste her salty tears still lingering on her beautiful face. 

He picks her up and carries her to bed, she sleeps all night with her head on his chest, he knows because he watches over her until dawn breaks and she opens her eyes and smiles, a smile that tells him he has his Gillian back.


End file.
